(Source: illuminatisfinest)
I’d take some bad back, to have a taste of the good……….
It took me awhile to realize that he is the Jesse James to my Sandra Bullock. It took me even longer to realize I will never be the tattooed, outrageously wild and free Kat Von D, that he is seemingly, desperately longing for. I’m never going to be the Michelle McGee either….. Even if I tattooed every inch of my skin and gave up any and every responsibility & devoted myself to him-it wouldn’t change a thing between us. The tattoos are not everything. I don’t have the spark, the draw or whatever he may be looking for now. At one time I did - at one time I was everything. Now I am, more than ever, dismissible? Considering that through all the torture, pain and hateful acts towards me I still try to care, and be compassionate-he has no worry to shrug a shoulder and give me the other one. I am deserving of nothing from him, certainly not a sip of respect. Accepting that I am the Sandra Bullock and always will be isn’t hard for me to swallow. I am more than content with being her. Being Sandra in all her/my worldly wonder, beauty, grace, kind and consideration for people (including him) and having that not be enough for him, is what I can’t swallow. His lack of remorse for the mess he made, the neglect to remember the tumultuous stress and strain of the relationship or any memory for that matter, the sickening, careless comedy of his laugh in memories that are recollected, and the overall faint impression I ever had on his heart in present day, is enough to bring me to my knees. My pain was all in vain. This makes him that soulless, cold, wretched scientist that rips off the flies wings-one by one for the thrill of it. He has no shame in ripping off the finally hardened scabs-leaving me with a mess I am less than capable of dealing with right now. He paid in advance for my ticket to deja vu where the special currently is horrible, horrible, heart broken memories. Sweet kid. I’m not sure what is worse: I don’t have the means to adopt a baby to ease my pain and focus my heart ache on something else positive….or that I don’t have a Ryan Reynolds waiting around the corner…….
People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.
(via dreamingoffallingstars)
pulls my heart strings….
